One balmy January day.....

I woke up with my eye glued shut this morning. Got up, took a shower, got out, finally looked in the mirror, and guess what? I have conjunctivitis. Pink Eye. Good ole Eye-Boogeritis. This makes no logical sense because of the following:

1. I NEVER touch my eyes. I am kind of a freak about that.
2. None of my five kids has it.
3. Four of my kids have had it multiple times in the past, and I have NEVER had it, mostly due to reason number 1.

So I went to the doctor to confirm, and yes, I have Eye-Boogeritis. I get my prescription for this tiny, nondescript, innocent looking little bottle of drops. I take it home, and read the instructions: Apply one drop in eye three times per day. So no biggie, right? Wrong.

That innocent little bottle of drops contains a liquid that burns like acetone on a nicked cuticle. So after applying said Holy Eye Drops of Fire, my eye tears up so much that I am absolutely certain that not one molecule of the medication remains. Instead, my eye is flooding faster than a stopped up toilet at the in laws house, and every tiny bit of the precious Eye-Boogeritis cure is dripping off of my chin.

So I call the doctor. Surely, there must be an alternative. Nope. the advice was "keep trying, because even if only a tiny bit stays in the eye, it is PROBABLY better than nothing". To which I respond, "Ron, I love you and all, but you are not a doctor. You are a sadist."

At least the entire day was not so sucktacular. I was blessed with awesome fluffy mail!
Pudgicus Maximus was very happy to see the pillowy Priority Mail envelope in the mail man's hands. His little squeals of delight at the sight of squishy packages are so incredibly endearing, because it is nice to know that my kid is just as much of an addict as me. I feel somehow less alone in my obsession.

So this is what came to rescue the remainder of my day: Didymos Natty Linen Indio 5, and it kicks ass.

Supportive, cushy on the shoulders, and not nearly as fugly a colour as I anticipated. This one might escape the dye bath after all. Pudgicus Maximus was snug as a bug in a rug back there, and we did our usual 2 mile walk around the neighbourhood in incredible comfort. The wrap was thicker than a lot of linen indios I have had, but still surprisingly cool and very, very nice to my shoulders.

On our walk, sleepy Pudge groaned and made that abso-fucking-lutely adorable balabalabalabalabala noise, rubbing his tongue over and over his teeth, and reveled in his favourite activities: Pull Mommy's hair, and make her think I'm going to erf down her back. All in all, I think he found it a rewarding and fulfilling walk, as he was sound asleep with his sweet little head on my shoulder upon our arrival home.

I have decided that this one is definitely Permastash, and will never be rehomed, unless it is because I wind up with 4 or 5 of them, which I have been known to do with others in the past (silk indio, anyone?)

So, in honour of my Holy Eye Drops of Fire experience, I feel the need for some luscious, sexy, delicious, and seductively spicy hot sauce. Enjoy!

Green Demon Sauce of Hotness

1 lb tomatillos, husked
1 lb jalapeno peppers, stems removed
3 serrano peppers, stems removed
1 medium zucchini
1/2 tsp. kosher salt
1/2 cup canola oil
1 leaf of iceberg lettuce

Place tomatillos, jalapenos, serranos, and zucchini in a pot, just covered with water. Simmer until all the veggies are tender. Transfer veggies to blender jar. Add just enough of the cooking water to almost cover. Add kosher salt. Blend. Pour canola oil in a slow stream while blending. Sauce will change colour/texture. Add iceberg lettuce leaf while blending. Sauce will magically turn a much lighter green. Serve with chips, or, my favourite way: Over a juicy, dripping, very rare crusty grilled ribeye steak. Mmmmmmm.